Refuse to Give Up

Since we saw the doctor on Monday our time has been taken up with managing Pheona's accidents. We bought those cloth "diapers" but it has taken some time to get things under control yet. The cloth "diapers" would more aptly be named "underpants" as they are just cloth with no protective liner. As I suspected, the "diaper liners" were a huge waste of money. If I am lucky they absorb the pee but it doesn't hold on to it. It is no better than sopping up the pee with a wad of paper towels! It drips all the way to the trashcan. Thankfully the Poise pads actively absorb the pee and locks it in.

3 Poise ultra-thin pads arranged around the tail-hole. (Her urethra is near her tail.) They absorb and
 hold the liquid while dog pads don't. For a male dog the arrangement would look different.

Besides using Poise pads I have also had to make other adjustments to the garment. I had to move the velcro fasteners so I could make the waist area smaller. After a few days with this adjustment I have recognized that I need to make others. One I will have to make soon is to put the velcro lower on the pants, to pull the crotch area up more snugly. Thankfully I have a sewing machine so this is a simple fix. If you have no machine or basic hand-sewing skills you might have more difficulty making them fit properly. Proper fit ensures that the pee doesn't  just escape past the pads and onto the furniture.

I have also decided to let more time elapse between photos of her tumor. When I take a photo every day it is impossible to detect changes. I am hoping this will make it easier to spot shrinkage or enlargement of the tumor. The fact that the tumor was an open wound at the beginning of treatment makes it difficult to do a good comparison, as well.

July 27, 2014

July 27, 2014

She seems to not be getting used to the Benadryl and/or prednisone. She is wobbly and spacey, when she is awake. It also seems like she is more paranoid and jumpy with these drugs. She flinches when we put our hands near her, which is not normal behavior for her. It looks like she is just so out of it she doesn't notice the hand coming until it touches/almost touches her and it startles her. Sometimes she just sits around with a seriously worried look on her face, jumping at every sound and movement. It makes me really sad to see her like this. When she was just being given cannabis she didn't have any of these issues.

Feeling super droopy with all these meds on board. Wearing her "panties" (as I have started calling them).

She gets so dopey her mouth hangs open and her tongue pokes out. She is interested in what is going on, just too medicated to join into the action.

I have been so hopeful that the cannabis would help shrink her tumor but it doesn't seem to be helping, so far. The lack of shrinkage in 3 weeks and the possible enlargement have really hit me hard. I was so confident that cannabis would cure her that I didn't get overly upset by the diagnosis. My confidence is beginning to wane. It struck me yesterday that we might not be able to help slow this down even, let alone reverse its course. She might be dying, right before my eyes. The fear and panic flooding me with that thought nearly brought me to my knees.

I know she can't live forever. I know that dogs' lifespans are much shorter than a human's. I know that she is going to leave me someday, even if we are able to defeat this evil fucking tumor. I am just not ready, and not like this. She has always been so healthy and she is only just starting to show signs of slowing down from age (not counting the current medicated state). I can't stand the thought that she is somehow suffering from this. I am just not ready, I still need her. I know I am just not ready.

Saw The Doctor

We saw the vet yesterday so they could look at the tumor again before deciding if surgery was an option. It wasn't the same vet we saw the first time, I believe he might have been a surgeon. He took a look at it, felt it and decided that surgery is not an option at this point. It is too close to her anus and might not heal properly. I don't know if I should be relieved or disappointed. Surgery is a scary thing but not doing it might mean her life is shorter.

Tumor on July 22, 2014. Tincture and oil on it. Has it shrunk at all?

They put her back on prednisone once a day and benadryl twice a day. These tumors can produce chemicals that the drugs can help block. He wants her on these for 2 weeks and for us to come back in to see both doctors at the same time. I am not sure why we have to see both, but we have our appointment scheduled for August 6th.

We also told the vet about using the cannabis oil. He was supportive of it and seems interested to see if we have any measurable results. He liked hearing that the topical oil helped the open wound heal up so quickly. He wasn't super knowledgeable about CO but he wasn't completely ignorant of it either. I was really relieved to not have him freak out and accuse me of abusing my baby. Back in the Midwest I wouldn't have been able to have this conversation with my vet. I am grateful to live in a progressive community.

Pheona is getting used to the CO, we have her up to a full dose. She gets 0.2 grams twice per day. She is fully functioning when she is up and moving, but she dozes off when she is just laying around. When she sleeps, she falls deeply asleep. Now that she is on the benadryl again the droopiness and the dozing off have gotten worse. She has been having some pee accidents during this time too.

Benadryl gets her so loopy her tongue was hanging out.

Spacey puppy.

Feeling funny.

The vet said that incontinence can be a side effect of the CO and we have discovered he is right. We have also discovered that benadryl can make her incontinence worse. (She leaks a little bit even when she is awake when she takes that.) The past couple of days have been spent fighting what feels like a losing battle with her pee. Hopefully today we have found a better solution than having protective pads all over the house. She had trouble staying on the pads, she didn't understand what we were asking of her.

Today I found dog diapers at Petco. A set of 2 washable/re-usable dog diapers in her size cost just under $30. I also bought a box of diaper liners to put in them, so they can absorb much more. Turns out these liners are just super generic kotex pads. I plan to buy Poise pads for liners and use them instead. They will absorb better and cost less. ($8 for 10 pads was way too much for those cheap pads!) She doesn't seem to mind the diaper so far, I thought she might try to get it off but she hasn't. We should find out in the next few hours how well the diaper works since she has had her nighttime dose of CO and Benadryl.

Wearing her diaper for the first time.

We are still going to use protective pads under her blanket when she is in bed with me sleeping at night. I need all of the protection I can get for my bed while Pheona works through this issue on the medicine. We don't have a washing machine so every time she has an accident her little blankets need to be washed out by hand. We have had at least one hanging somewhere to dry at all times for the past 2 days so, it would be nice to only have to change diaper liners instead. Keeping my fingers crossed the bed stays dry tonight!

Results???

Two days ago I could have sworn that the tumor was getting larger. It is so hard to tell because I can't take the photos from the exact same angle each time. She freaks out whenever we try to look at it now, she was trying to hide under the bed yesterday-poor thing. Since then we decided to try to wait until she is feeling pretty sedated from the oral CO before doing any photos or even putting topical oil on it. Today she was relaxing on the bed and I was able to sneak in a couple of pics without her realizing what was going on. It could just be wishful thinking, but I think it has gotten smaller since the 16th!!

Looks like it is shrinking! 

The bump looks smaller in relation to the quarter as well.

I don't want to get too excited if it is an illusion based on photo angle but it seems to be softer as well. My husband said when he first put oil on the bump it was pretty solid and hard. He holds her tail straight up and down though, which might stretch the bump tighter, making it seem harder to the touch. I didn't hold it up as far.

I joined a group on Facebook yesterday that someone linked me to called Cannabis for Pets. Here is where I finally found some solid information on dosing. I had assumed correctly and her dose should be about .4 grams based on her weight. I am so grateful to have found these amazing folks. In less than 24 hours I have gotten info and great support from the other members. It is comforting to speak with folks who have been through this journey.

Today we have thinned some of the oil into more of a tincture for topical use. Someone in the group suggested it would absorb into the tumor more easily this way. It makes sense to my scientifically illiterate brain so we are going to try. I was concerned with how a pasty substance would soak in, even though that was the perfect thing when it had the open wound. We are going to wait until she is sleeping from the oral CO to put it on, and try not to let her notice. I hate making her panic like she does when we need to check her tumor.

At first it seemed to me that her tumor was getting larger. I think the photos show that, but again that angle problem for comparison is there. I wonder if it starts to swell first and then shrinks? I swear I have seen a change for the better in 48 hours, so I am anxious to see what the next 48 hours will bring. It would be great if it could be getting smaller when we see the vet again, making it more likely she can successfully go the surgical route. Fingers crossed, check back and see what it looks like by Monday!

Finally, A Call From the Vet!

We got a call from the vet's office today!! The doctor can't give me an estimate on the surgery without seeing her again though. (Thankfully this appointment will be free.) They can't seem to give us an appointment for this assessment for some reason. They want me to drop her off first thing Monday morning, they will look at her when they "get time" and call me to come back to pick her up. I told them I will be waiting with her, we are never apart. (If she isn't with me she is with my husband and she has severe separation anxiety.) They said, "OK, but bring snacks and a book. You might be here a while." That's fine, I have nothing better to do than be with her.

I am happy that I have finally gotten some word on this. Monday, when they give me the surgical estimate I will also find out if the surgery would be eligible for the emergency care discount. I have my fingers crossed but either way it is going to be more than my budget can handle.

Sleeping off an increase in CO dosage.

I love her little underbite. I only see it when she is in this state. LoL

We increased her dose of cannabis oil (CO) today which made her really drowsy. Because of this she had an accident on my bed (which is also her bed, she gets half). I had protective pads down but she just missed them. She has had issues in the past with wetting in her sleep but only when she is deeply asleep. It would usually happen when she played extra hard during the day and was sleeping hard, but has happened because of medication knocking her out before as well. This is the third time in 2 weeks now, I hope she doesn't become too incontinent. I don't have a washer and dryer at my disposal so we will need to be more careful to keep her on the pads. I never scold her for it, I know she doesn't mean it and can't help it. She has amazing control when she isn't under the influence of medications. If we have to get her some kind of diaper, then that's what we do.

I am a little afraid that since the entity that is making my discount possible has the final say in her treatment that they won't do surgery. They told me they might only cover the drugs and things needed to keep her comfortable until she dies. While I am eternally grateful for the discount, I would be very upset if it came at the cost of getting her the best treatment. This is a tough position to be in. 

It is going to feel like a long weekend, waiting to speak to the vet about surgery. Hopefully she adjusts to her higher dose of CO well and we can have fun over the weekend while we wait. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, even if she survives this cancer she is not a pup anymore. I believe she has several more good years in her, but I can't take that for granted any more. Several of my friends have lost pets over the last couple of months. One lost his dog yesterday. I want to make every minute I have with Pheona count, no matter what.

Lazy Day Today

Yesterday Miss Pheona seemed to be feeling pretty good, despite having her oil dose raised again, slightly. She went with me to my group and we stopped at the little park we love on the way home. It was pretty warm out, so all she was really interested in doing was laying in the grass or wandering around sniffing the grass. Today she seems to be feeling the oil a little more, she is extremely relaxed.

I left another message for the vet today, and have still not heard back about her possible surgery. I really wish I could take her to a different vet for a second opinion. It is so frustrating and scary to be left hanging. It has been 2 full weeks today since she was seen and they diagnosed the cancer. I still have no idea what is going on with her health. The doctor appears to be "very busy" every day, so busy that Pheona's case is not able to be reviewed it seems.

I got a letter today congratulating me for being qualified for 50% off of her vet bill. The letter seems to make it clear that this discount is only for emergency services that she may need. It looks like it won't cover her treatment for cancer. (If they even DO anything to treat her.) This is not her regular vet, I took her to this vet because they have an emergency department. Her regular vet couldn't see her until late this month when she was having diarrhea and her bump was bleeding. I would give anything to be able to have her seen by her regular vet. They seem so much more caring.

If you would like to donate to help me get her into a vet that will actually treat her you can contact me, or donate directly via PayPal, at juliethies@gmail.com. We cannot express how grateful we would be.

Trying to relax in the park.

Sniffing the grass.

Watching what everyone else is doing.

Enjoying the beautiful day.

Being her gorgeous self.

Taken July 16, 2014. The oil is healing the
surface skin. I wish I could see what it is
doing to the tumor.

We Need Help!

Enjoying a break at the playground after a trip to the fabric store!

I am starting to get frustrated and really scared. I have called the vet a couple of times now trying to get more information about what is going on and I haven't heard back yet. Each time I call they tell me the doctor has been busy with patients all day, he hasn't had time to write up an estimate for us. They tell me someone will call me back within 24 hours. No one does. I call again. I am frustrated that it feels like they said "by the way, your dog has cancer" and then just left me hanging for almost 2 weeks now. When I don't know what is going on my mind starts filling in the blanks with a lot of fear and anxiety! It is very overwhelming.

I was able to find out that we are eligible for the financial need discount, but only for 50%. A person's income must have to be less than zero to qualify for the full 80% discount. I am grateful for any discount, but we live far, far below the poverty line. My monthly income is less than half of our rent and my husband's isn't much more. We are both disabled so it's not like we can just go out and get a job to pay for the surgery. Our budget is also taking a big hit to pay for her cannabis oil. Luckily we can make the oil ourselves so it is much cheaper. Still prohibitively high priced to buy all of the materials though. We really need some help.

Hard to gauge the size, I can't seem to take the pictures from the same angle each time. July 13, 2014.

Got all of the oil off to apply fresh. July 13, 2014.

If anyone would like to donate to help pay for her care it would be appreciated so much. You can contact me or donate via PayPal at juliethies@gmail.com. Or you could purchase items from my Etsy shop so you get something for your donation. Any amount that you are able would be deeply appreciated. Every penny counts right now.

I can't express how much Pheona means to me. She is my constant companion and soothes my anxiety in a way that medication never could. It breaks my heart that I can't afford to get her the best possible care. I don't like asking for help, but for her, I will do anything. Please help us.

Me and Phe at the park.

Play Day!

Yesterday we spent some time in the park and went to Aquatic Park to take pictures of the moon in the evening. Pheona was feeling good, she wanted to play most of the time we were there. I am kind of glad she has no concept that she is sick, it can't depress her or give her anxiety like it does me. She just knows that she is on medicines that make her drowsy at times, but other than that, she just knows whether she feels like playing or not. Yesterday, she felt like playing!

She was a little groggy in the early part of the day because of her oral cannabis oil, but perked up in the evening. We decided that it might be best to start giving her the oral oil at night, that way she is sleeping during the heaviest sedative part of the day. Once she is used to taking it the time won't matter, she won't feel groggy from it nearly as much. We still have a ways to go before she is at what I would call a full dose for her though. I want to have her on about 1/2 gram per day. 

We aren't sure whether we should pick off the oil that is on her bump to re-apply more. I am afraid of pulling skin or hairs and hurting her. I also don't want to rip open any wounds and start them bleeding again. Tomorrow we are thinking of trying to clean it off somehow to apply fresh oil. I have no idea how long it can be effective topically. For all I know we are wasting anything we apply to the bump directly. But, like I have said before, at the very least the oil is sealing the wound. That is preventing it from bleeding and protects from infection. It looks like it has also helped heal quite a bit of the raw, open wound we started with last week. 

I want to say it looks just slightly smaller, but it is probably wishful thinking. The fresh new skin is thanks to the oil though.

 We plan to head out to a park today again to let her play if she wants. Even on the days she isn't feeling playful she seems to really enjoy hanging out in the park and sniffing the air and the grass. I can't spend all day in a park with her, like I wish I could, but I want her to have as much enjoyable time as possible. She has spent 10 years taking care of me, being my faithful Service Dog for every single day of those years. It is time for her to get to relax now, and just be a dog for the rest of her life. She has definitely earned it.

Please keep checking in, I am confident we will start to see some changes in this tumor soon!

Feeling Frisky

 The past few days have found Pheona feeling playful and frisky. I really hope this continues!! She is no longer on the Benadryl, which made her super sleepy the first 2 days. I'm sure that being off it helps bring back some energy as well. It seems she is also tolerating the cannabis oil orally, not too drowsy but yet still getting enough of the medicine. We just raised her dose slightly again today so  she has slowed down some as she adjusts.

In Golden Gate Park, enjoying the fresh air. July 8, 2014

Love being at the park! (I was born in this park, in an RV near the Conservatory of Flowers!) July 8, 2014.

 The topical oil has formed a scabby-crust over her bump, which has protected it and kept it from bleeding so far. I am not sure if the oil can penetrate the skin on this particular tumor so I am not sure if putting it on topically will have any more cancer fighting properties, or even any at all. Since it is also serving as a barrier to keep it from getting infected or constantly bleeding I feel it is helping regardless.

Day 5 of oral and day 3 of topical cannabis oil treatment. The black stuff is the oil. July 10, 2014.

"Digging" a day at the park!! July 8th, 2014

I haven't heard back from the vet about her surgery or the status of my financial aid application yet. I called the vet's office today and they said they will have to call me back, again. I am starting to really wonder. I did at least get a call on Monday to tell me her stool tests were all negative, no parasites or bacteria causing the diarrhea last week.

The medicine and special diet has taken care of the diarrhea so that is a relief. I was really concerned that there was something else seriously wrong with her, health-wise. I do have to say though, I am grateful she got the diarrhea so badly now. If she hadn't we wouldn't have taken her in to see this new vet, who caught the tumor. Strange to be thankful for all that pooping!

July 10, 2014 after an increase in her oral oil dose. Feeling relaxed. It is probably good to get good rest while battling cancer anyway.

I don't see any difference in her tumor, except that it is no longer raw and oozing, thanks to the cannabis oil. It is difficult to take the photos from the same angle each time, she protests at having that side shown to the world! The same angle would make comparisons easier. The oil also seems to have the added advantage of deterring any urge she has to lick the bump. I'm glad because licking makes it bleed and blood freaks me out. It is not causing it to become infected, which was a fear I had at first. In fact, the skin I can see under the oil looks healed and sealed. Kind of shiny and pink, like new skin after a scab has fallen off. I suppose that is progress of a sort, so maybe things have changed a bit after all.

I am keeping a positive attitude though. We are going to defeat this cancer, one way or another. Keep coming back for updates!

Scary Morning

I woke up this morning and Pheona had licked her tumor until it was bleeding again. Blood always makes me panic. First thing I saw when I got out of bed was blood on the carpet and running down her leg some. We put styptic powder on it to stop the bleeding.

This was taken later, after most of the blood was cleaned up.

Luckily the blood seems to blend into the pattern/color of my carpet.

Because she was licking it while we weren't paying attention we decided we should try bandaging it. She is a really well behaved dog, if I tell her to leave the bandage alone she will do a good job. It might get to be too much of an urge when we are sleeping again, I hope not. I don't want to put a cone on her, but I will if I have to.

Since we decided to bandage it we thought now would be a good time to try putting oil directly onto the tumor. We gooped on enough to cover it well. We put a gauze pad on and some of that stuff that looks like ACE bandage but is kinda rubbery and sticks to itself by kind of clinging. It isn't adhesive though so it won't stick to her fur. On top of that a round of First Aid tape to hold it on securely. It has been on for a few hours now, and so far no messing with it.

The yellowish stuff at the top is Styptic powder, to stop the bleeding. Again, edited for modesty.

Putting the cannabis oil directly onto the tumor, where the skin is torn away.

A bandaged bunghole! Poor thing.

I am anxious to see what her tumor looks like in the morning when we change out the bandage. Hopefully we see it starting to shrink soon!

The Diagnosis: Mast Cell Tumor

The beautiful Pheona

What is a mast cell tumor? Mast cell tumors are a common form of skin cancer in dogs, with certain breeds being more susceptible than others. Pheona is a Mastiff/Boxer mix, making her more likely to develop one. "Mast cells are specialized cells that  normally are found distributed in the body and help the animal respond to inflammation and allergies." The problems with the tumors is that they release chemicals, especially when messed with. These chemicals, like histamines and prostaglandins, are normal but become toxic when the dog is exposed to them constantly.

Edited for public viewing. This isn't her best side.

Some of the tumors are not a problem but the one under Pheona's tail appears to be pretty aggressive. We first noticed it in October of 2013 and took her to see the vet immediately. They stuck a needle in it and said that it was nothing to worry about because it didn't drain any puss when punctured. At a later check up the vet noted it but didn't say there was anything to worry about. I had to take her in to the urgent care on July 2 because she was sick. She had diarrhea for a couple of days and she had blood in her last pooh. Because of the diarrhea she had been scooting her butt on the sidewalk and licking to clean up a LOT which tore up the bump so bad it was bleeding too.

I am really poor and had no money so I borrowed some from my mom and I took her to the SPCA animal hospital in San Francisco. The doctor said the diarrhea was no big deal, he prescribed her some medicine and a special kind of dog food to firm things up for her. He was really worried about the bump under her tail since it had gotten so much bigger since we noticed it. They aspirated the tumor, looked at it under the microscope and came back with the news that she has a very aggressive, probably stage 2 or better, cancer. Normally the first step would be to remove the tumor. That might not be possible for Pheona because of the location. It is touching her anus and they fear she wouldn't heal after surgery.

Because I am so poor the hospital gave me an application for an emergency grant to help pay for all this (first visit was $300+), which I am grateful for. It could help cover up to 80% if I qualify, I should. The only drawback from that is, they get the final say in what treatment she gets. If they think surgery is a bad risk they might only pay for the drugs/treatments to keep her comfortable until she dies. That would be really sad. Pheona is my Service Dog and always with me.

Before I even left the animal hospital I was researching mast cell tumors. I found a few pages where people claim to have good success treating MCTs with cannabis oil. I know what kind of miracles cannabis can do for seizures and there is lots of anecdotal evidence of people claiming to have cured themselves or their pets of cancer. Since the doctors don't think surgery is an option I don't see what it could hurt. At the very least it will make the end of her life more comfortable.

One of the forums I found where someone treated their boxer's MCT with cannabis and suggests starting with the grain of rice size bit and slowly increasing her dose as she can tolerate it until she is taking 1/2 gram per day orally. Recommended for full grown humans is 1 gram per day and she is half that size. It took me 2 days to get her oil ready for her and she started taking it July 5th. I didn't get a photo that day but I got one the second day of her treatment. I will be taking a photo every day (or as close to every day as I can) to share her progress. We might try to start adding a topical dose as well.

I have believed for a long time in the healing power of cannabis and it is time for that faith to be tested by me personally. I am really hoping that her tumor responds to the cannabis oil and disappears forever. I am not ready to let my girl go just yet, we have more adventures to embark on together....